There was a time when I would look around at my world as a performer: the crazy schedules, the vagabond lifestyle, the constant live out a suitcase-where is my suitcase-how much does it cost to bring a suitcase?, travel ordeals, and high drama, and I would think to myself, is this worth it??? I want more. I need more. More in a way that is less. This is too HARD. I need simplicity, and stability, and this isn’t fulfilling me in the way that I had imagined when I was a dreamy 18 year old musical theater student. I left the business. I became a full time make up artist, working in sales and worrying about keeping my health insurance and watching a meager 401k build. I became, for lack of a better word, miserable. So I took the plunge back into the cold waters of the NYC audition scene.
Fast forward four years and three contracts later, I now can officially declare with no hesitation that performing truly is the the thing that brings me the most happiness. Now if and when the little ones come along and I may have to shift back to the white picket fence on a NYC rooftop and a "normal" job, I will be happy with that life too. But it is really gratifying to have reawakened the passion that made me go into this crazy world to begin with. My shows these past couple of weeks were far from perfect in my perfectionist world, but it is beyond satisfying to put that tight grip on “perfect” aside to LIVE, LAUGH, and LOVE on stage to a gracious audience.
I say gracious because at the end of the cruise I had a guest take my hands, look me in the eyes and tell me I was spectacular. I am truly not saying this to brag...I was honestly completely shocked! I felt like such a fish out of water most of the time that to have this word (normally used to describe the Macy’s Day parade) flattering and humbling. The other biggest compliment I got was from a crew member who told me she was feeling depressed here until recently, and she credited our friendship as one of the main causes for her shift towards happy. (I just made that up. Shift towards HAPPY. Do it. The word is elusive but just shift towards it and see what happens-I dare you.) There are such wonderful people here, and I love getting to know them all every day in such close environment.
Fast forward four years and three contracts later, I now can officially declare with no hesitation that performing truly is the the thing that brings me the most happiness. Now if and when the little ones come along and I may have to shift back to the white picket fence on a NYC rooftop and a "normal" job, I will be happy with that life too. But it is really gratifying to have reawakened the passion that made me go into this crazy world to begin with. My shows these past couple of weeks were far from perfect in my perfectionist world, but it is beyond satisfying to put that tight grip on “perfect” aside to LIVE, LAUGH, and LOVE on stage to a gracious audience.
I say gracious because at the end of the cruise I had a guest take my hands, look me in the eyes and tell me I was spectacular. I am truly not saying this to brag...I was honestly completely shocked! I felt like such a fish out of water most of the time that to have this word (normally used to describe the Macy’s Day parade) flattering and humbling. The other biggest compliment I got was from a crew member who told me she was feeling depressed here until recently, and she credited our friendship as one of the main causes for her shift towards happy. (I just made that up. Shift towards HAPPY. Do it. The word is elusive but just shift towards it and see what happens-I dare you.) There are such wonderful people here, and I love getting to know them all every day in such close environment.
Here are the few costume pics I could shoot quickly before they were torn off for the next number. I am normally used to one or two fast changes per production show. Here, if it’s NOT a quick change, I wonder if I are doing something wrong....and as you can see these are not your average costumes!
OMG - Those costumes are CRAZY and AMAZING. I love shift toward happy. Do it. Am doing it. :) I am so glad you're having a great time on your ship. It seems like you are so happy there. I think if being a performer is in your blood it will always be there so matter what. Even with the littles. When I took a break (pretty much I still am - just doing a different kinda performing job I guess) I had to live vicariously thru Adam and his LA adventures in the biz. That year that we were both teachers, having dinner at 6pm every night together, going to the gym together after work, 9-5 lifestyle --- we weren't happy. Even though I am still forever grateful for that year b/c without it, I would always wonder.
ReplyDeleteI miss you. When do I get to see you?? Is it in November. Actually, I do want to know the date b/c things are so CRAZY BUSY here that I need to make sure that Sunday is set aside. :)
XO
Dri- I am so thrilled to know that you are loving what you are doing!! This is a huge blessing. I am busting out of the stitches of my pants with pride. I am so glad that you are enjoying music and that you have joy in your heart. God has blessed you with so many talents. I wish I could see you perform live.
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